You can never step in the same river twice
February 26th 2009 13:44
"You can never step in the same river twice"
I've been thinking a lot recently about careers - what path to follow, what job to go after etc. This got me thinking about identity - if I am to know what job or career is best suited to me, then I first have to know who I am. Of course, this is a massively problematic question. Who indeed am I?? It's a question at the centre of a lot of philosophical and spiritual inquiry.
I looked into my past, trying to find a common thread running through all of it that would point to who I am; some common characteristic of everything I've ever done that identifies me as a person. I figured that once I found this out, I would be able to call upon and remind myself of that one thread when it came time to make a decision. For example, if I found out through analysing my past that I am a technical type who likes computers, then I would go and get a job in computers. The problem with this, as I found, was that there was no common thread. The more I look into my past, the more contradictions I found. Sure, there were some general patterns, eg, I have always been fairly intelligent and technical in my thinking, but they never applied across the board; I couldn't point to just one of those patterns (or as a psychologist might call them, personality traits) and identify them as being me. I was really into computer games up until high school - does that mean I am a computers guy? During high school I was really into guitar and music - does that mean I am an arty or soulful guy? There are so many more likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses and other aspects of my past that I could draw upon and it would seem silly to try to make a formula out of them, one that points to me being me.
I was reminded of a quote, though, one I had read in a little Zen book years earlier (I get a lot of my quotes from this book): "You can never step in the same river twice". A brief explanation of this quote is that a river is in a constant state of flux, it is constantly changing, which means that with every new moment, it becomes a new river. Any attempt to define it by its water content or its stream speed or any other such statistic will fail, because those things are constantly changing (not to mention that it will be impossible to locate an ultimate start point and end point, but that's for another day...) Sure, we can get an idea of what the Murray River is long enough to last for all intents and purposes, but if we really try to nail down what it is, we will fail.
Anyway, it occurred to me that this principle applies equally well to the problem of my identity. Am I a computers guy, or am I a music guy? Am I a silly guy, or a serious guy? The truth is, I am all those things - how could I not be? After all, it is my past after all (or it might be truer to say, I was all those things). The one thread running through my past was my consciousness of it, and nothing more. But my consciousness is completely ungraspable - I can't look back at the eyes that see. Who I am is whatever my consciousness is at any given moment; back then, I was a computers guy. Then when I was playing guitar, I was a music guy. Then I played some video games, and I was a computers guy again. I was in a silly mood, which made me a silly guy, then later I was in a serious mood and became a serious guy. Some people see me as a guitarist, some people see me as a computer nerd, because that's the impression that they formed of me during the moments they saw me. I am a walking contradiction.
What does this mean for decision-making? If I can't nail down what my identity is, then how can I choose a career path? The truth is that your decision will shape your identity as much as your identity shapes your decision. The world is a dynamic place. So if you choose to commit yourself to a computers career, then your "identity" will shape towards that of a computers guy. Perhaps this is why people get anxious about careers - because they know on some level that what they choose will form part of their identity, and that is a scary thing to commit to. I don't expect that someone could say "I am going to be a lawyer", and not have some lawyer-ness seep into their personality (at least not a good lawyer).
Anyway, while I was writing I was thinking how all this could be reconciled with the saying "to thine own self be true", which would seem to contradict with what I'm saying, but which I really believe is a very wise saying. I will write about that next time.
I've been thinking a lot recently about careers - what path to follow, what job to go after etc. This got me thinking about identity - if I am to know what job or career is best suited to me, then I first have to know who I am. Of course, this is a massively problematic question. Who indeed am I?? It's a question at the centre of a lot of philosophical and spiritual inquiry.
I looked into my past, trying to find a common thread running through all of it that would point to who I am; some common characteristic of everything I've ever done that identifies me as a person. I figured that once I found this out, I would be able to call upon and remind myself of that one thread when it came time to make a decision. For example, if I found out through analysing my past that I am a technical type who likes computers, then I would go and get a job in computers. The problem with this, as I found, was that there was no common thread. The more I look into my past, the more contradictions I found. Sure, there were some general patterns, eg, I have always been fairly intelligent and technical in my thinking, but they never applied across the board; I couldn't point to just one of those patterns (or as a psychologist might call them, personality traits) and identify them as being me. I was really into computer games up until high school - does that mean I am a computers guy? During high school I was really into guitar and music - does that mean I am an arty or soulful guy? There are so many more likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses and other aspects of my past that I could draw upon and it would seem silly to try to make a formula out of them, one that points to me being me.
I was reminded of a quote, though, one I had read in a little Zen book years earlier (I get a lot of my quotes from this book): "You can never step in the same river twice". A brief explanation of this quote is that a river is in a constant state of flux, it is constantly changing, which means that with every new moment, it becomes a new river. Any attempt to define it by its water content or its stream speed or any other such statistic will fail, because those things are constantly changing (not to mention that it will be impossible to locate an ultimate start point and end point, but that's for another day...) Sure, we can get an idea of what the Murray River is long enough to last for all intents and purposes, but if we really try to nail down what it is, we will fail.
Anyway, it occurred to me that this principle applies equally well to the problem of my identity. Am I a computers guy, or am I a music guy? Am I a silly guy, or a serious guy? The truth is, I am all those things - how could I not be? After all, it is my past after all (or it might be truer to say, I was all those things). The one thread running through my past was my consciousness of it, and nothing more. But my consciousness is completely ungraspable - I can't look back at the eyes that see. Who I am is whatever my consciousness is at any given moment; back then, I was a computers guy. Then when I was playing guitar, I was a music guy. Then I played some video games, and I was a computers guy again. I was in a silly mood, which made me a silly guy, then later I was in a serious mood and became a serious guy. Some people see me as a guitarist, some people see me as a computer nerd, because that's the impression that they formed of me during the moments they saw me. I am a walking contradiction.
What does this mean for decision-making? If I can't nail down what my identity is, then how can I choose a career path? The truth is that your decision will shape your identity as much as your identity shapes your decision. The world is a dynamic place. So if you choose to commit yourself to a computers career, then your "identity" will shape towards that of a computers guy. Perhaps this is why people get anxious about careers - because they know on some level that what they choose will form part of their identity, and that is a scary thing to commit to. I don't expect that someone could say "I am going to be a lawyer", and not have some lawyer-ness seep into their personality (at least not a good lawyer).
Anyway, while I was writing I was thinking how all this could be reconciled with the saying "to thine own self be true", which would seem to contradict with what I'm saying, but which I really believe is a very wise saying. I will write about that next time.
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Comment by Postmodern Critic
Postmodern Critic
Relativity Watch
Padsoc
I quite enjoyed reading this post, you have a complexity of thought and an openness of mind which I unfortunately do not encounter very often on Orble.
I love the idea of embracing contradictions of identity, because this allows you to transform your view into one that is rich, textured, more interesting and nuanced.
In terms of choosing a career, ideally it would be best to find one that covers as many of your interests as possible, so that you have time to shift between different 'modes' and explore different aspects of your identity. I feel like I've done this with 'Postmodern Critic' and my other blogs... I should start a blog dedicated to creative writing as well, then I'd really never get off the net, lol.
I notice you are interested in the idea of a constant state of flux - what do you think of postmodernism?
Comment by Banana Mango
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Banana and Mango
I also really really really dislike the impenetrability and obscurantism of postmodern writers - I understand that they do it deliberately, but it's not my style at all; I don't admire people who make can make complex issues sound simple, I admire people who can make complex issues sound simple and relevant.
Anyway yeah that's my take from the relatively little that I've read up on it - who are your favourite postmodernists?
Comment by Postmodern Critic
Postmodern Critic
Relativity Watch
Padsoc
Not a fan of the ivory tower, eh? I think it's good to find a balance between esotericism and exotericism, so that you cater to both an academic crowd and a popular audience. I also think to appreciate many a postmodern writer you have to do a bit of background reading on their context, and be prepared to miss a lot of references (esp if you only read the book twice without delving into it too extensively), which I am not always prepared to do!
My favourite postmodernists are Italo Calvino and Rob Brezsny, for their rich and inventive writing styles. What they do with language is revelationary, and in some cases revolutionary. I recommend both very highly.
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
I also enjoyed your reflections and contemplations . . . hmmm, the best way forward from the moment with multiskills available to you . . . a question I pondered myself many times in former years. How about teach guitar and study some IT *chuckle* its what I did. .
Guru*s say: Energy flows where attention goes from the moment, that point in time when we have it all, but have to decide where to direct it. Me? I try to listen to my heart, before my head over intellectualises it too much, as that usually spells another exhausted, expensive and complicated dead end.
I wait, and try to acknowledge my first thought as the right one. Then I watch my jaw to see if it tightens when i think of this option, or that. I avoid the choice that makes my jaw tighten.
I guess I would be a part of the group that advocates a following of your passion, because it is the one I will be persistant at, and that is required along with a good intention for success, not just mine either, but for those around me too..
Recently though I went through a period of further experimentation by making a point of not taking the easy path but making sure to take the path that was overwhelming and most intimidating. Pleased to say that with patience to wait for the right timing, there are great rewards in this axiom and everyone should try it here and there, for a comparison.
I guess I always believed that life probably begins just beyond our comfort zone. This isn*t such a scary thought when you temper it with another saying; that we have everything we need in the present moment to see us through.
But over time, I learnt that the trick is probably not to try to live to any one dictate, but to let go, trust and see what life offers after my intentions are set. Patience maybe offering a chance for Grace to show me my destiny a little clearer?
I wish you luck and look forward to reading a future post on the choices you made and their outcomes.. . one other thing, just remember it is the journey that is important, not the destination, make sure your camera is loaded with film, my old teacher used to say.
Enjoy it!
Lilla ..
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Anonymous
I can relate to you, yet as for identity. I think life is kind of like a journey in knowing yourself. Only a few people know what they are here to do. Here is what someone said, hope it would help out a bit.
You have different interests and talents. Your choice right now does not mean either A or or B. As you journey along, God will help you put all the pieces together. It is like doing a puzzle.
The Lord has helped me become more than I think can be and I have opportunities to exercise my gifts in different areas of my passion. It is like all road leads to Rome, if Rome is about loving God, then God can use every path to lead you. You would have a fruitful and blessed life. Perhaps you can use your talent in writing . It is all possible.
Comment by snowqueen
I would think about careers in terms of energy actually, because as you've found out thinking about them in terms of identity is problematic. If you are good at a variety of things, then there you have a variety of choices, each of which you could probably do so you are quite lucky.
So - think about the realities of the working environments of each of your potential career options and how that might impact on your home/social life too. If you are in a job which is mentally demanding and involves interacting with lots of people, then as an INTP you will be satisfied intellectually but when you get home you'll be exhausted and won't want to interact with the people who might be more important to you - friends and family. So maybe it's better to do a job that's mentally demanding but fairly isolated (like research science, or computer project management/systems analysis) so you are satisfied mentally but when you get home, you can enjoy interactions with people you care about.
If you approach it this way then you can have a meta-identity which doesn't need to be determined by your job.
Does that make sense?
snowqueen (yes the same one)
Comment by Banana Mango
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Banana and Mango
I did have a lot of choices when I first came out of school but they've decreased a fair bit due to my dicking around for so long. It may just be my fate to end up a high school teacher, at least for the short term.
Comment by YouallareIdiots
Heraclitus is the origin of the quote about not being able to step in the same river twice.
So, one thing all of you pseudo-intellectuals CAN actually do, as oppose to waddling in your exquisite irrelevance, is actually do the research and find out who said what, why they said it, and the concept the actually were attempting to convey, instead of what your overly-pampered, undisciplined, supremely uninteresting minds think they meant.
Comment by Banana Mango
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Banana and Mango