If You're Bored then You're Boring
September 18th 2006 02:05
When I was going through high school, I had a chronic fear of being though of as "boring". I would hear people gossiping about somebody they knew, describing them as such, and immediately I would project those thoughts onto myself - I'm not boring, am I?? I made the simple connection between boring-ness and shyness, to go with my ready made connection between shyness and quietness. And I was quiet, I knew that. "You're quiet today, Kris", or "You right there Kris? You're not talking much" were common remarks. What did I do, then, in order for me not to be one of those horrible creatures known as boring, shy, or worst of all, quiet? I did what any rational on would do given the said set of beliefs: I made a decision to start talking.
The obvious question now is, what did I talk about? I certainly didn't want to say whatever what was on my mind, that could have repercussions - at best I would be considered weird; at worst I would face ostracism. So I blabbed about the most banal things you could possibly imagine; once I went on to my poor friend on the bus home about how different types of seats had different designs and bumps on their backs. Being the frank guy he was, he told me to shut the hell up. I don't blame him. Given the lack of results that my newfound behaviours were receiving, I gave up, and went back to my old, introverted self. There was a sense of comfort in it.
What I believe now, though, is that despite my incessant talking, I was as introverted as ever. Why? Because I wasn't expressing myself. I was talking, but the words did not have their origins in my thoughts or feelings, not one iota. When "talking" with somebody, when in the process of communication or socialising, the external (the words) will have their origin directly rooted in the mind of the deliverer, the internal. The external and internal will be one and the same.
It's not as fancy as it sounds; it's really very simple, and very natural. When I was in high school, there was a song called Flagpole Sitter by Harvey Danger which contained the words "if you're bored, then you're boring". I doubt that they would have come up with the phrase, but if they did, I give them credit, because I think it is very apt. Boredom, Wayne Dyer wrote in his book The Erroneous Zones is at opposite end of the same spectrum as fascination: both require the person to be uninvolved with what is going on, to be an observer. It is hard for somebody who is wholly engaged and enthralled in what they are doing to be boring. Why? Because in being involved in an acitivty, they enter into, no, they create a reality, a set of behaviours and events that can be perceived by others, and hence provide an opportunity for fascination.
There will be more written on this topic at later time, as I think the fear of being boring is inextricably linked to the fear of non-acceptance, disapproval or rejection. And this is something we all have to deal with on a regular basis.
The obvious question now is, what did I talk about? I certainly didn't want to say whatever what was on my mind, that could have repercussions - at best I would be considered weird; at worst I would face ostracism. So I blabbed about the most banal things you could possibly imagine; once I went on to my poor friend on the bus home about how different types of seats had different designs and bumps on their backs. Being the frank guy he was, he told me to shut the hell up. I don't blame him. Given the lack of results that my newfound behaviours were receiving, I gave up, and went back to my old, introverted self. There was a sense of comfort in it.
What I believe now, though, is that despite my incessant talking, I was as introverted as ever. Why? Because I wasn't expressing myself. I was talking, but the words did not have their origins in my thoughts or feelings, not one iota. When "talking" with somebody, when in the process of communication or socialising, the external (the words) will have their origin directly rooted in the mind of the deliverer, the internal. The external and internal will be one and the same.
It's not as fancy as it sounds; it's really very simple, and very natural. When I was in high school, there was a song called Flagpole Sitter by Harvey Danger which contained the words "if you're bored, then you're boring". I doubt that they would have come up with the phrase, but if they did, I give them credit, because I think it is very apt. Boredom, Wayne Dyer wrote in his book The Erroneous Zones is at opposite end of the same spectrum as fascination: both require the person to be uninvolved with what is going on, to be an observer. It is hard for somebody who is wholly engaged and enthralled in what they are doing to be boring. Why? Because in being involved in an acitivty, they enter into, no, they create a reality, a set of behaviours and events that can be perceived by others, and hence provide an opportunity for fascination.
There will be more written on this topic at later time, as I think the fear of being boring is inextricably linked to the fear of non-acceptance, disapproval or rejection. And this is something we all have to deal with on a regular basis.
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Comment by Joy
Comment by Comments from DietDog
Comment by Jason Kirin
Good words my friend.